Seriously, I felt as though I was taken for a little ride. But luckily I didnt fall into it at all. As always, Carian has been devoted. And Im proud to be. I cant deny that I wasnt moved one inch. Ok, maybe just 1 small centimetre. But I held myself back. There is no point. Because everything are just deceptions.

There is always a lesson learnt after every ride, be it a rollercoaster ride, a bumpy ride, or even just a horseride in the zoo. Through this experience, I realised that my friends are the outmost impt afterall. Chunhan, Nanxiao, Brina and Mengting(My les partner)! Not forgetting my most beloved Esther laogong(: When Im at my downest they are the one helping me..
I remember one incident. I was abt to cry, 3 of them held me and hugged me, saying that they will not leave me. Even people like Xiaoxiao, who used to dislike me in PL, (NOW SHE IS IN LOVE WITH ME) told me this: "No matter what, I just wanna tell you that I will be by your side helping you, and Im sure the 2 of them too" Touching ah? Brina(BWEEENA!!) Just wanna tell you this: THANKS FOR EVERYTHING. Though I just know you for a week! But we became kinda close so fast. I thank God for you! Chunhan aka CHUNIO HANIO BUNNY! Thanks for being so motherly to me! You have been a responsible manager of the GAYS! Bringing snacks, makeup, extra this and that without me informing you. Im so so so proud to be your friend!(:

Simply put across, I dunwan to end up being in different CGS as the clique. You guys are very impt to me((:

Esther! Even though we are in different situations now, or rather, we are miles apart everyday, Im so glad we get to contact each other almost everyday(: Sorry if I cant go online so frequently now. But we will sms right!! Now that you are more accepting of people calling you, I think I will call you as and when I like! HAHA. Like what I told you:Technology has killed the guts of many, the phone is originally created to call others, and not SMS or use some WIFI system to MSN over ur hp or sth. I told my friends in TJ what I told you, and they all agree with me that, since friends are close enough, why must you sms, just call la! Till now, I still hate the guts of others. Is it really so tough to speak over the phone? SIAO LA. Ok I dunno why am I still probing abt this issue. Just wanna tell u your imptance in me. HAHA.

Gretchen and wanling!! Haven spoke to you guys for a long time le! But Im glad we are meeting up this SAT! Hope everything will be the same. Somehow Im confident that even though we all never talk for so long le, we will still be as close and all. Somehow I just have this confidence in my family(: Dont ask me why.

Darl and Partner!! Dont need to say la, we will always be the way we are(: Meet up soon alrights! And please my both dears, do not be affected by those nonsense le k. Carian is here to pray for you guys! Be like me, xue hui fang kai yi qie. You see, even if you miss someone, cant this cant that, no mood to do this and that, whats the point right, BE SMART. Dont let anyone affect you. If that person is feeling the same way for you then good la, but what if he/she is not. So stupid right. SOOO, be smart!(:

My 2A3 clique! YES, I hope we can meet up before results collection, but I think I will be so nervous until I wanna mati. I shall consider first HAHA. Love you guys as always(:

And as for you.. Hmm, I know you wont get to read this. But, WO AI NI! You are in my mind always. Catch up soon k(: Take care always, and dun be so pessimistic hao ma? You can do it((: I have faith in you and your capability((:

Carian ponned sch today. Sore throat. Today is Carys' birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISSY!((: One year older le, please dont cry so often, and take jiejie's thing without permission, and please dont steal my food and cry when I dont give you cold drinks, and dont always steal mummy away from me hor! Mummy is mine too hor. Mummy like love you more than me lorr. Shall screw you up when you come back from kindergarden. HAHA. I love you sissy!!

12.25PM


Went out with Esther, Sher, Mengz today. Klunched. Not bad la, and I was so happy we get to sing many duets, and I get to sing my fave song-Ai4Mei4. HAHA! Li xiang qing ren is nice too(: I feel so happy today, everybody was enthu when it comes to singing, even Sher was so open and started jumping on the sofa with me(:

Im glad I didnt speak rubbish today(:

Dueted with Sher. Sang my humps. DAMN FUNNY. All the words and obsence. You dun expect me to say it down here right. Oh and I realise that this blog has lost its main purpose. Created with the purpose to make it a private blog, but looks like many people know abt it le): Shall go create another private de HAHA. Like got so much time liddat wor. But anyway there is nth worth mentioning nowadays bah.

Meeting the gays tomo. They called me, keep reminding me to dress properly. IN case u guys dunno, Carian's usual outfit is a shirt with FBT la. At most is wear my fave black billabong shirt with faded blue FBT. DIE LA, I dunno how to dress up! HAHA. I was like, might as well ask me to wear my wedding gown or sth. Mengz was like, yah, tomo married, monday wedding dinner, tuesday give birth. OMG. Yah, if I will ever get married on Sunday or rather in 2007, I will be the youngest bride in Singapore bah.

TELL U ALL STH!! I wore my mum's shoe today, which I thought was very ex, but apparently it wasnt. Tsktsk. The train travelling towards Somerset is rather packed la, but I manage to squeeze in. 'RIGHT'. Then before I was caught by the door, Dear pulled me in and my shoe dropped into the hole! YIKES. Hence, Carian move ard without a shoe with the whole wide world looking at me. Sher and Mengz helped to call the incharge and he said that it could only be retrieved after midnight when the currents of the tracks are shut off. Left my number with them. HOPE THEY WILL GET MY SHOE BACK(: Anw, I really wanna thank gong, sher and mengz for walking ard for miles helping me to find a shoe to buy(: Thank you so muchh!!(:

LEG HURTS LIKE NUTS, my skin is too thin, many many many blisters)):

I wanna get an ipod! I shall save up to get it. Cos many people in TJ got one, and they use it when they come to sch, or go back home, and during breaks. Though Im usually quite wellentertained every moment except the going home part, because nobody lives so far away as compared to me. SO, if i get an Ipod, then maybe I wont wanna get a new hp. Anyway the reason why I wanna get an Nseries is cos of the mega gigantic storage system of songs ma. HAHA.

Anyway, after today, I realise that I really cherish all my close sec sch friends, esp my clique(: I love them alot(: And how I wish I can be with them forever and forever and forever(: Im looking forward to next SAT!(:

DIE LA, my Vday how?! Its my first Vday alone ever since Sec1. Pathetic unloved loner! Anyway Ive Choir on Vday itself, how pathetic things can be la. And my birthday is on a Choir day too! HOW HOW HOW!?

Did I mentioned that Im meeting the gays tomo? I will make sure we brush up every single detail before Monday comes.

Oh, Im kinda glad with myself. I manage to get a new member into our group. Then at first he was like reluctant, then Louis was like, using his finger to poke his face. OMG! G-A-Y! I tell you, I swear the while school could hear my scream mann. I guess lesbian partner will be so happy to have me as sucha nice friend((: I HELPED YOU OK! HAHA. OKOK, I shall not enclose so much here. Some things are not quite suitable for readers. HAHA.

You better wake up early tomo ok. If you are late again, Im gonna ignore you for the rest of the day):

Clovis, thanks for having that plan abt Sakae. I dunno if I shld go, its like HAIZ.

10monthand2days. Gosh, I didnt blog it on the actual day itself. AHH! I hate myself):

1.35AM


Brina, Chunhan, Carian, Nanxiao, Weixin and Louis->The gays. Alright, dun ask why are we called that. Bwhahas.

Apparently Mahjong, Kangkong and Horfun trot along into our vision. But kangkong isnt exactly the point la. But kangkong and horfun tastes damn good when it is combined. But as I mentioned, kangkong is still under probation. HAH.

8.29P.M


Woke up at 8plus and couldnt go back to sleep. Hands itchy so started smsing. HAHA. Smsed gong! I was surprised she is awake(: Dunno why we chat and chat and suddenly wanna meet up. Went her house, took some random pics. As I explained eariler, its random. Not nice dont throw tomatoes ar.

Chatted for the whole day la, according to her, she thinks its r/s probs. NO LA. Haven even get into anything how to be considered as r/s right. Talk about everything under the moon. Smsed the whole world to go out with us, but kena rejected la. BOOHOOS. Nobody like us. NO LA, more like, know I going thats why dunwanna go)):

My horoscope book reads that next week will be a rather saddening and pathetic week for me wor. Say sth big will happen to me to cause me to make certain decisions such as changing school, jobs or environment. Have a feeling its about Os results. Maybe its hinting me that I will do badly then I will change school or what. OH NO!. I wanna stay leh)):

Ponned OG outing): Muscle cramp like nobody's business cant walk. Should be pain liao stay at home right? I went to gong's house, somemore go eat KFC. OMG, fat! PIMPLES! Die la. Weigh myself 48.9kg HAH. GONNA BE 50 SOON!!! IM DEAD!!!!

He got sucha attitude. That bochup attitude about the things we are gonna do. IM kinda irritated, and I fa xiao jie pi qi. LOL. The usual Carian. Haiyah.

Where got people say themselves shuai de?=/ YOU ARE TOO BHB. And I cant stand you sia.

2.25AM


My first dinner with TJChoir today. I was super high!(:

While all of us walked out of the main gate, somebody suddenly sang Irama Belia(SYF setpiece 2003) and all of us started singing like mad people. Then the J1s were like singing sunset(SYF setpiece 2005), Lenora, Mengting and I joined in and woke the neighbours up(: We sang and sang, and Louis with his another friend was behind us singing too. It was a warm sight. I like it when everybody is close tgt.

He is damn mean to me laa. Anyway I was shocked that he took the initiative today to call me in school after his lesson. Spent time singing and crapping. I think our duets are quite nice(: Kinda excited for the audition(: Hope everything goes on well. Blended well with Weixin and Perlin(; Thanks for to our 3 managers for helping us photostat lyrics and coming down to the recital room=X Chunhan arr, U made it so damn obvious today! SPANK U AR. And Clovis! Why you go anyhow malu me, luckliy Carian has attained the highest level of being calm, so no matter how much suans I get from people it wont affect me(X

So honoured, my senior went home with me today, sent him to the busstop nearest to my house there. Chatted the whole way, spoke abt certain stuffs. HAH. Aiyah, thruout the whole journey we are in ampchio mode. Dunno what to say, you gotta be there to listen to our contents. HEH. Why you go tell conductor about that! Aiyoh, you malu me again. Shoots. I was inspired by my student conductor today, AHH, and I finally experience the feeling of admiring someone. HAH. He is damn pro la. Compared to me, a lousy PL Choir SC, IM nothing. Hmmm, shall learn from him some skills((: He got a twin(X

You are too popular for me to even enter your buffer zone. But I thank God for letting me know you, and thank you for always being by my side and always taking the initiative(:

12.35PM


Tell you guys a joke.

*Carian stumbles back to marquee bench.* Asking NX and CH what they laughing about. NX explains: Nono, we talking about the couples in our class. *Carian raises eyebrowns* Getting a teeny weeny bit interested. Then she started saying in our class got 4 couples. I got even more interested. Ok I shall not enclose who are the other 3. Then NX told CH to tell me who is the last couple. I thought it was somebody so interesting then I swear I was damn alert pls. Then CH go say the last couple is me and her. EEPPS. I swear I was damn shock like nobodys business. Then I was like "You what?" Then she repeated everything between giggles. Dots. Alright its not funny I know, cos I haven said the juicy part yet. She said sth that really shock me out of my life. LOL. Alright, it really sets me thinking awhile. Gosh.

Carian's life seemed to change alot. Usually Im the one shouting and whacking people whenever I see my crushes and all. Im the one asking people to look out for that special someone, Im the most siaosiao in my group of friends. But suddenly, I became someone's investigator to find out where he is or what he is doing. I became the informer instead of the one being so excited and all. Weird. I suddenly feel that my life has changed alot.

All my friends around me was like betting that I will get attached before them. In the end they are the ones crushing people, dunno getting into what with people. Whereas for me, I dun think I really see anyone interesting in sch, I hardly know boys. Everyday its just school home school home or sometimes choir. My life is so boring=X I guess everyone is changing for the better, except me. Thats bad. Really bad.

And the worst thing is, I think Im losing you. Who knows you are just like the others. Gosh, Im all alone.

10.50PM


Currently waiting for Peishan to send me some hw to do. NANXIAO go scold me ask me to be more hardworking=X Yeah, I admit Im kinda slacky laa, and kinda depriving others who are much more hardworking and wanna study in TJ. Yikes. I think I have to change my attitude before my everything in TJ is taken away):

Have been reflecting on my behaviour towards many things. I guess Im sucha bad girl! Naughty mann. But Im sure after my stay in TJ as well as mixing with all the guaikias, I will change for the better and get least distracted(:

Gong quitting her job officially on Tues. Tendered resignation letter le. Hope she and G come crash TJ la, as what they have planned(:

Saw some opposition party selling their annual newsletter at Kovan today, and my mum bought it. Then we saw Sylvia Lim, and my mum go tell her Im her supporter I was like HUH, I beg your pardon. But I have to peihe my mum then I went to shake her hand and I swear everyone was staring at us like as though we are trying to rub shoulders or what la. But I guess they are ok bah, read their newsletter, rather enriching.

Swimming on Tues. EEPS. Why haven it* arrived yet. I dunwanna swim!! Anyway if I really needa swim, Im gonna find Clemmy and swim with her. We say hao le, swim breaststroke tgt if there is a need for some 1.5km thingy. One good thing abt that stroke. It gives people a broad shoulder and flatter chest. Yes, thats what I want. HAH.

Choir tomo till 8pm, Im confused. Have I really appear and set such an impression of me in you?
Gong is right, Im weird.

Wearing TKSS' uniform tomorrow(:

2.40pm


Went out with family and Sher's clique. Not bad outing. Everybody remained the same and thats good(: Borrowed MJ's notes from Qinglin cos I forgotten to take my file home after Choir on Friday. Considering the fact that TJ is 1 times 10 to the power of 10000m away from my house, I decided to not get my file back today=X This Clovis and Louis go distract me after choir, so they are to be blamed for me leaving my file at the recital room=X

Ok back to the outing thing. HAHA. Qings and Sher was demostating their cheers to us. HAIYAH, I wanted to haolian TJ"s official cheer la, but I was wearing heels la, then if I were to stamp my foot on the tiled floor confirm got earthquake la(X

Played arcade as usual, then pool. Gretch and I sat aside crapping. Get to know her so much better. AWW. I think so many secrets were left rolling in the air today. Some are weird yet astonishing. Chatted with Laogong after everybody left. Pep talk as usual. Got to know her better too. Went Grand's house and then rushed home to make conference(: She cried. My heart turned sour. Its my first time hearing her cry. HAIZ. Did I do anything wrong? She seemed to be in pain, tormented.. But there is nothing I can do except assuring her that I will always be by her side. I wanna help, but Ive tried my best k dear. Some people* are just so stubborn and idiotic la. Just forget her and thats it la. I will pray for you.

Os results are coming out soon, and I dun dare accept that fact that I will have to end up in Poly. Please, give me below 20 points!

I have learnt to like TJ and the friends there. Choir and all. Please give me a chance to stay alright.

1230am

DAMN BORED. HAHA. At TJ's library now using the com along with some newly met friends=X Gonna go for housemeeting at 3pm. Imagine how Ive rotted my 1230pm-3pm time away by eating, chatting, trying out uniform from my newly met friend Clementine aka Clemmy by me. HAHA.

Its finally Saturday after about 10hours, and Boy am I excited! Can finally get to meet my clique family and other friends(: Hope we really have a good time tgt.

Dar is sick today, so didnt come to school): Then missing Choir and PHYSICAL TRAINING! Gonna spank her and prank call her tonight=X Hope you get well soon alright! MEI YOU NI WO GAN DAO HEN SHI LUO. Diao. HAHA. Yupps, gonna go for lecture le, sooooo.. Shall go home and type some m0re. Choir till 8pm)): Reach home at 930!! AHHH!


Ponned school today, because I only have 50min worth of Geog H1 lecture. Whats the point right? Travel for 1h plus just to attend an introductory lecture? Spare me. Went Kinderland with parents, maid and sissy. Then went to Ministry of Manpower with mum to do her work, eat there and go to her office. Slack awhile then went to meet clique(:

Happy Birthday MINGS GOR! Hope you have enjoyed your stay in SA! Though I know that you dun really like it there, but I hope you will perservere on there, and do well alright. Do not give up so easily. For what you have said and your school's motto:"Nobody is here by chance" Im sure you went to SA with a beautiful hope in hand by God. So use your time wisely, love God, love SA, love your future alright(:

Went to get my pay today at Forum, visited DKKF's staffs. Everybody is still the same. HAH. Then visited gong at CK. Did something damn lame la, go read her blog then know le. HAH. AY, I think I got abit too wrong frequency today. HAH. Sort things out le. OH MANN, this kinda thing also can sort out ar. HAHA. LOVE LAOGONG SO MUCH!(: Can see her in 3 days time lo! HEH.

I miss my family of frens too. Gretchen, Qings.. ):

Ate at some Hongkong restaurant at Kovan and gave Wanyi and Mings a treat(: I think the food there not bad la, may go back to eat one day. HAH. The pasta is nice(: We ate 3 desserts. 2 Megabig Icekachang look alike and cement look alike sesame paste. Tabulated up to 85bucks plusplus. EX AR. Bought my concession pass for 27.60 bucks! Then top up my ezlink. I spent so much today):

Shall pon PDP(Known as CCA in TJ) talk tomo, PDP exhibition, cos I dun have to join the Choir to sing tomo. So I guess I will zoom home by 130 bah. HEH, Cos 1230 fangxue. Then I will try to sort out many things. I think I need some quiet time with God, have been feeling damn weird and horrible recently, and I guess only Gong knows the reasons. I really dunno what to do with myself la. Go JC le, mix sch le, Im still liddat. Forget it la. Gone case le.

Swimming next week. Yes, time to show off my fat legs and stomach. GOSH, save me from the embarassment la. Cant believe TJ ask us to swim for PE. I will make sure my menses come everytime there is PE. Haiyah.

I know I will regret, but there is no point doing things that Ive no confident of doing.


Today is the end of Bond007 Orientation. Hope even thought the orientation ends, our friendships will continue lasting and propering(:

Made some pretty good friends over the 4 days.

This is Peishan and Wendy. My PL friends, fortunately we are in the same OG(: Glad to know Wendy cos its like, though we are in the same school for 4 years we never speak to each other before! Then during the orientation we became closer and bonded well(;

This is Meiyee! Yeeyee for short. My gay partner as well as my singing buddy! We can share a earpiece from her MP3 and start mouthing the words to each other in the public=X DAMN GAY LA. Haha. Anglican High=X My mama's school(:

My 'pretty' hairdo by them(Below) during Bond007 Night. Lightsticks. HEH.

THEM!(: Meiyee! Wendy! Me and Huimin!(:

I remember the first time I saw Huimin she is like totally buaysong with me pls. Then I buaysong her also. Then dunno when we became closer and started smsing(; And 30min ago she sent me this sms telling me how much I meant to her and stuff. Oh gosh, Im so shock to receive this kinda friendship assurance kinda thing(: Yeeah. Hope the 4 of us get into the same class.. LOVE!

I can really sense this TJ bond. And Im happy I got into TJ and know all these people. I hope I can stay here even after the release of results(;

Will never forget my clan captain and all the other OGLS. Oh I was asked to make this speech today about how I feel. HEH.
*Carian stumbles up to the front* ERM, I really dunno what to say la, just that. Im from a girl's school and Ive never seen so many guys in my life before. (Loud applause and laughter) (silence) Eh, Im very happy to be in this group la. (LAUGHTHERS BY GIRLS, saying:WAH, very happy got guys ar. Boys laugh like mad) Carian damn malu. Then blahblahblah. Yeahh. And I heard that person go tell his friend sth, but Im not very sure if I heard correctly=X Anyway, wont get to see the both of them anymore le. Cos diff course, confirm diff scheldue and stuff. Oh well. They are cute la. HEH. TJ will win the race(:


Actually dunwanna blog de. But hands itchy la. Got an impt task today. Thats to organise a group of people to sing for BOND007 night. HEE. We are in the Acapella group la, which means singing songs kinda thing? Chose the song "When you believe" and was kinda put in charge la. I maintained the Sop1 and my OGL which is also a fellow choir member from TJ took care of the altos. We did quite well, except for the blending part=X Cos some people abit too much energy le. But never mind, with Carian around, everything will be ok(:

Prepared scores and minus1 for them the min I get back home. Tiring. Busy. You name it all. Left school at 640 and return home at 740. Ate dinner at only 940. OMG, will get fat very easily de lor. Sms people, then come msn, 10min later say byebye to them, now come back to prac song, otherwise how to teach right.

Im glad my senior from Choir kinda eager that I will go Choir. HEH. Then I was like:"WHOI, HAOHAO GUAN ZHAO AR." Meaning must take care of me ar. HAHA. TJ people are kinda nice la I think.

Went home with a guy today--'' Joel bah. Not bad looking. TOLD YOU TJ FULL OF SHUAI PEOPLE LE DUN BELIEVE. Then I dunno why see him le, he wave then I wave then we started talking from one journey to the end. HA. Like got so many things to say liddat, when I only notice him today=P Maybe Im just a born chatterbox la. Spoke to this handsome guy today. He was like asking me what combi I going out of no where in the middle of his convo with his friends about WWF. Then he sat behind me today in the bus during amazing race. OMG. Handsome la, and we started talking abt hardgay--'' Also dunno why, Esther is right, taurus taohua yun very good this year=P
Received an unexpected testimonial from this guy on Friendster. We added each other today in the TJ Hub while doing our combi selection. LOL. I think its really weird la. So many weird things happen to me today. Boys talked to me, I feel ok and not as inferior le. Cos, I found out that my OG is actually not that WAH anymore. I use to think that Im very lousy. But actually I found out that this TKGS girl who came in thru DSA with 16 got into arts, and I got into Science?--'' He* got thru appeals with 12. That person also appeals. And someone with 18 got thru appeals also. OMG. HAHA. Somehow TJ's standard like dropping ar. Hmmm. Oh yah, come to think of it, my OG got quite a number got handsome guys la. But too bad everybody all very smart so too bad. All diff class de confirm. Well~ Its true la, people will change for a new year. They will.

Gong was saying that we became mature le, at least we dun think so much le, but not true la, I think as much, just that prolly Ive no time to say it out and stuff it in my mind. As for her, I dunno. I dunno hows she is feeling. I dunno leh.

Everyday wake up at 6 return home at 730++ I will die soon. I really will.

Thank you for that(: Gosh, I miss you.


Before I forget this;
270207(:
YAY.
Lets see if we can last a year(: Im sure we will. Love you. Meet up soon! Im counting down hors(:

Finally bought a new hp! YAY. And the plan change le, I have 1100 free smses instead of the usual 600. GOSH, Im sure my hands will ache from all the massive smsing! But Im happy so yeah. Smsing her has been a usual routine in my life la, what if she starts schooling? She wont have time for me, and I will be so sad! HAHA. Ok back to my issue! I got my N80 finally! YAY. Its like Ive been trying my best to protect my darling hp for these few days la. Too bad I dont have a hp pouch, shall go hunt for it too? Billabong got HP pouches anot ar?

Confirm le, I will be going for a short trip soon! Somewhere in April. To sansanxin! Dont you think that life has become very hectic? All the weird weird things and all. If I can migrate to some other countries it will be even better la. Singapore is too stressful le, the people, the memories, the everything.

OGL camp tomo and Sat. Daycamp la, so no big deal. Helps me lose weight too, since we have to prac mass dancing.
I think Im beginning to enjoy and like TJ. Its kinda fun, and its a pity some people are gonna leave, and a new batch is coming in. True as it can be, people come and go, but only true friends leave footprints in you. Alright, not the right time for emo-ing. HAHA.

Sis, I think you really understand me quite well, haha, like reading a book liddat. Hope to stay close and bond better with you.

Love, Carian (:

1.20PM


Seriously, I find it sucha joke. Stream:Science. Biggest joke in my life. I doubt they keyed in correctly. Alright, my L1R5 for prelims is reflected on the webpage itself, and the whole page is filled with the details of the respective subjects Ive fared for prelims, and yet they still try to be funny and put Science. Admission:DSA(Sports) Ok, this is another mistake already. Everything is a big joke and Im not gonna take it so seriously, lest I cry when I get hold of the results where Ive been posted to this Friday. Please pray hard for me that I can go where I really want(:

Smsed the whole world today. So obviously, everybody dislikes orientation. Including me. I hate to run about, making new friends and all. I was feeling kinda lonely la. The environment in TJ and other schools are different. Alright, Ive to admit that they are kinda rara and have a rich and strong school spirit and Boy, am I surprise. But the people there are just different. They are nerdy, not the kind of people I will call Bestbudd or buddy. Some particular girl sch, I dunwanna name which, are famous for being empty vessels, but they are smart, so what can I say?

I think the environment doesnt suit me at all. They are ok people, but I guess my morales and confidence level of myself swoop so low that I dont even dare to speak to anyone. I feel inferior. And I guess I kinda regretted my choice. If I were to be given a 2nd chance, I may head towards AJ or SA based on DSA. It really isnt my kind of place at all. I want people like, Darl, like partner, gong, qings and gretchy! They really understand me well. I certainly cannot survive with people from AHS, CG, TKGS, DHS, CCHM all these. Im surprise I didnt really see NYHG people, prolly all chootrained to HC, RI and RGS to RJ thats why stupid Carian gets to step into this school. So totally no substance. Parents are right, TJ is blind to accept me.

People may be cursing and swearing behind my back saying that I will never learn how to count my blessings. Its not the case la. It likes, inferiority really lurks in me. Then you may say: Then you study harder to not feel inferior la. Its not possible. Cos I know where my standard lies. if Im incapable, Im incapable. Its just like, that piece of land is no longer fertile le, no matter how hard you wanna plant grass also useless. Im not giving up on myself. I just seriously feel so horrible about being in TJ.

Good sch is for smart people, dumb people like me should really know how to hide away and prevent all maluations. So the only solution is to leave. Im waiting for my results, if its below 15 I will leave for AJ, anyway they are willing to accept me for Science as long as I get below 15. So why not? So near my house somemore.

I just totally dislike smarty pants. I just cant get along well with them at all. I know they aint proud, but I just hate the fact that Im incompetent. Just like Dick, that poor, coward and insensible farmer.

I found Quan-like J1. From Xinmin. He looks exactly like Quan. He was chosen to participate in some pageant as Mr Bond. And some girls nominated me to go be Ms Bond. I think its some joke. Probably to use me as a laughing stock. Well, if I agreed, I may be his dancing partner. Well, inferiority strike me, and I give up this chance.

Carian ar Carian, you have thrown away too much things already. Be yourself please.


Feedback from many-Same complains of not being able to enter my blog. Zodips told me its something to do with my skin. Hokay, I guai I change it. If you still cannot see, I suggest you go change a new com=X

Totally cant sleep. Im neither excited or scared for school. Prolly just cause too many things happened to me today and it sets me pondering. My stuff, dont bother, its over. Its about them. Mr Germs called me at night, asking me if Mrs Germs is alright. I mean, I dont know. She haven replied my sms at all. Sensed the anxiety in Germ's voice. Tried to help save the situation by trashing Germs. She is really such a woodblock and have zero knowledge what Mrs Germs want. She cried while speaking to me. I almost cried too. Mann. Online with Mrs Germs, she daoed me. HAIZ. Germs told me its not my fault about the break, IM relieved. Yet on the other hand sad. I learnt that they didnt wanna tell me for fear that I will breakdown, really I wont. I will in fact be happy for you guys. You look too negatively of me le.

Im inspired by what you say: "School reopening does not mean the ending or closing of something, it will be an addition of new dreams, but old ones will never be wiped away." I sincerely hope that Mr and Mrs Germs can be back together again. Im awaiting for the good news kay(;

Self control can really cause the death of many hearts. I think its so silly.

She will understand your intention soon dear.

She likes you, just that she doesnt know how to tell you that.




SOMEBODY!!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!! HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW?????? AND WHAT MUST I DO!?????????? Im feeling so horrible right now and yet I cant even tell my own friend that. WHAT IS THIS. IM SO OVERWHELMED WITH GUILT CAN. Sometimes its better not to tell out your own stuff, cos you never know if it will affect others. WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID TO GO CARE ABOUT WHAT I SAY? My matter is my matter, why you go mix it up with the others? Why must you take what I say so seriously? Why must it be me, the culprit to cause all these? I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU GUYS. But, IM VERY SORRY. Will I ever be forgiven. CARIAN, your are a fulltime sucker. I hate you.


Bought my adidas campus(2) shoes finally. Wanted to get the different tone ones, but in the end I got the grey with green shoe lace kind. Impressed.

I just found out the truth today, and was really disappointed why you guys can hide so well from me. But I guess some stuffs happened and now Im feeling so guilty. I shouldnt have gone that day, I shouldnt have opened my bloody mouth to even talk, and now I caused all these. Im so sorry, is there anything I can do to help? Can somebody understand how horrible Im feeling right now?!


HAPPY NEW YEAR!(:

Its a brand new year. YAY. Well, which means we have to go to school very very soon wor. So sad, hereby wishing all chummies who are going to school a happy and fruitful 1.5months schooling experience, and may everybody's wishes come true. For those that are going to work, may you make big bucks and please keep in mind that Carian Tham is your friend and she wants a treat(; Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? Ah yes, keep the good memories of 2006 and cast the bad ones aside. Lets embrace Year2007 with a big hug. Whooots`

Oh oh Yah, I will be exactly 17 years old in 4 months plus time((:

Steamboated at Grand's and went clubbing with cousins, uncles and aunties till 2plus 3 then for supper until 4 plus. Kinda cool, cos its my first time. Drank and was repeated encouraged by aunt to drink more, she refill my glass after it was emptied. By 1130, everybody was kinda high and Alden, Ruth, Joyce and me went down to the dance floor. OMG, the spotlights kinda make me blind mann, gosh, I swear I was damn high pls, screaming and shouting for no reasons. Then came the song Dont Cha and we were like screaming the lyrics all over. I didnt know my cousins can dance so well, leaving Carian jumping about without substance. I cant dance gracefully, yea, its a wellknown fact. So they taught me the robot dance, Mambo and Chacha. HAHA. I was a mega big lightbulb again, cos Alden and I were partners almost all the time, and I remembered jumping into his arms and he was spinning me around. Gosh, we were all mad. Then my uncles and aunties came down and dance too, all systems clear go. We enjoyed ourselves(:

Was smsing gong the whole time yesterday, she was my countdown buddy. The 2some. She was drinking 40% content and started blabbering nonsense. Apparently she was waiting for something I know, but somehow somebody seemed to have broken her promise and disappoint my heartbroken friend. She was only alright until later 12 plus when they started saying stuffs, stuffs she refused to tell me leh. HMM. Then 1 plus I started crying and I called her to cry and scream. OMG. I think Im seriously mad! HAHA. But it ended quite soon cos she was busy with something else ar(; HAHA.

As I always say, listen to your heart, its tough but you have to do that, I dunno what stage are you guys in, but Im sure you guys are getting closer and thats a good thing. Its always easy to console others, and not youself, thats why Im always ending up the one being hurt. Because I really dunno what to do with myself.
Get your happiness, I wanna see you smile. Do it soon and not regret. I HELP YOU TELL HER WANT ANOT? I feel like poking my finger into their business again. Its wrong, but I wanna help.