Heard that the choir was good today, and somehow I dislike the fact that they can do it better without the Sec4s. Prolly Im just jealous bah. Yes I think I am la, thats so bad please. Almost lost my voice today, some people just wanna make me raise my voice? Why cant you give me your attention rather then whisper sweet nothings to your friend? So irritating, and Im not the only saying this ok.

Mr cutecute was so cute todae. So adorable that now Qingfu wanna steal from me. HELLO? I discover him first k(: He is so ke ai, short short de, abt Qings height but shorter, and so small. I think he is the first guy whom I know is so xiao zi bah. And Qings! HE IS MINE, and he LOVES me, ok la, I admit, he is my boyfriend, I never tell you only, I just ask him for stead yesterday. HEH.

GOD. I SO LOVE MR TEE! SO KE AI! Later he leave PL le, I HOW? No leh, more like I will leave PL then he how? POOR THING, he must meet me outside school then cant see me walking past the staffroom in school during school hours, so sad, he must be so deprived of me la. Mei ban fa. HAIZ. BWHAHAS((X

I heard that many ladies were ard him todae! I told you he is cute le somebody say my taste bad! Come on lorr, those kena crushed by Carian confirm got standard de k. SEE LA, now so many people like my boyfriend le, even Mengmeng and Qings, HAIZ. Give up on him laa. Hmmm. GOD I THINK HE IS SO CUTE PLS. SO CUTE SO CUTE SO CUTE.

I remember I couldnt concentrate during Chem exam was cos I happy doing doing then I realised he standing in front then I look up and I saw Cutecute! AHHH! I couldnt concentrate pls! He is so cute! AHH! C-U-T-E. Then after the exam I told Mengmeng abt it, I tot at first it was kinda embarrassing la, cos everyone label me as the one that doesnt have good taste la. (PLS AH!) I show you my crushies pic then you tell me I gd taste anot!? Then she told me she cant concentrate also! COS SHE THINKS HE IS SO CUTE! AHH! Im so scared that so many other girls like him, then he wanna break off with me go with other pretty girls la! I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND CAN!! EEEEE` HAHA. MANN. HE IS SO CUTE. I shall pretend pretend go drop sth then bump onto him like those tong hua gu shi, then accidentally fall down then prance onto him, then he catch me. THEN. SPARKS! FIREWORKS!~ Then I look at him, he look at me then Qings walk past then Qings very jealous then HAHAHAHAHA. Oops, like so evil hor? NOT GONNA SHARE HIM! Though Qings is my gdfren la, but still, I wont share ah! HAHA. NONONO.

Went out with gor today, first time after 4 years, bad experience with me right? I told you le, I very different from virtual world and real world. I think Im better in the virtual world. So next tym I marry over the virtual world! I dunno why leh, I jumped and run ard todae ard hlm. HMMM. Then realised I didnt return the keys then I went back to school and ask him along. Then we went to Kovan CC to sing, HAIZ. My voice not nice right! Told you le, Im not good la. Those schools deaf only. And gor ah, how come ur voice neither here nor there, I think I lower then you lorr, then higher then you, what you doing la? Stupid vp pls! HAHA.

Dunno why, but many people ask me weird qnses today.
To darl:No I dun like *.
To partner: Yes, ditto to it, I dun like *.
To both: Im normal not in anything.
To everybody, Im single but not avaliable(; So dont give me weird looks leh. First was her, now him. Enuff hor!

I think yea la, nowadays sth is really wrong with me, dunno how to explain, then I mislead so many people, hmmm, dun worry, Carian still love you all, and Carian is normal(: Gretch baobao ask me sth weird today about the me liking *, why you suddenly ask? Hmm, I understand why you ask, cos I myself here is confused about my feelings and what Ive been doing is very misleading to people. I know. Paiseh, after marathorn week, everything will be back to my books and God, and friends(: AND ME PATUOING with CUTECUTE(:

Gretch, you know I almost cried when I talk to you over the phone when I know about that matter, what a pity la. Both cutecutes are there. HAIZ. Sheesh`

I wondering if what Ive been doing is correct anot. So confused with all my thoughts and all, maybe after this storm, all will be gone ba, then I wont feel so troubled and Carian will feel the same again ba. Though I know its so tough to get over you. Haiz, whatever la, feel so ai4 mei4 pls. My mind is again under the "I cant focus mode". Luckily there aint exams, otherwise Im gone la. I dunno who to tell la, in the end told my new girlfriend about it. HAHA. Secrets revealing time(: Hope to get into the same school as her ba. HA, we can click so well pls. GOOD! Its like only for 2-3 days then we became so close! YAY!(: Love her tons. My sweet girlfriend(: Tomo lets meet up for auditions together k(: HAHA. I thought we already jiang hao le? HAHA. SOMEBODY MUST BE SO EXCITED OVER THERE LA PLS! HAHA(: HAIZ, among all the schools you have chosen, I chose it too. But I scared Mr fate right take us away then we cant be in the same school next year then I will be so sad pls)):

STUPID GOR! I KNOW U STALK ME HOME PLS! HAHA. JK! YEA! Great outing with you. AFTER 4 YEARS! HAHA. Your voice is kinda nice for You Raise Me Up.. And I cant stand that bubble tea aunty, she thinks we wanna cheat her money is it. SHIT HER LA! HAHA. Next time learn from me, ACT COOL walk away la. Not need fight with XIAO REN(: AND THANK YOU FOR TAKING AWAY MY CHU OUTING WITH AN OPP GENDER PLS. EEE. HAHA. WOW, this is the first time I go out with a guy in my whole entire life, EXCEPT cousins la. OH UR DAT ADIDAS SPRAY VERY XIANG TODAE(: AND I dun like all the people we meet today, all blurt rubbish de, boy and gal go out means what meh. PLS AH. That means I go out with my dad people think Im his er nai ah? SHEESH LA.

I think everything was kinda ok for me until at night, somebody go and talk nonsense to me make me so angry. WHALAO YOU GO REFLECT LA. YOU THINK YOU VERY GOOD IS IT, say until like Im under you or sth, whalao, you wanna show off how good you are go do it to * la, tell me for what. Shit you la, Im not gonna care about you anymore pls. U wanna ask * for stead after Os I also dun care la. Then if * accepts you then good for you la. I wish you all goodluck together. AMEN. You are the best, and * is so goodlooking, like cute and shuai until cannot say anything, EVEN cutecute also lose to * can! THEN GOOD LOR, you all be together le tell me, I give you all hongbao, help you all prepare hotel suites la. Anyway I think that day will come soon, like so soon, so Im making myself forget * now. And I think * loves you la, from what you say. URGH. Forget it. GO LA GO LA.haiz

Shall go disturb girlfriend and ask her talk to me, I feel so fan now! URGHHH! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH CLOWNFISH!


Haiz, this is the first time I couldnt focus for my exams this term, ok la, though its just 3 days after the term starts or sth la. Just really very distracted yesterday and I cannot tahan in the middle of the night and started smsing darl. No reply, cos she slept at 1030. I was so distracted la!! Slept at 130 instead of the usual 3 cos I also cant study le, just so fan pls.

That thing was quite ok, and why must they plan it on my exam days? I saw my fellow thamies, she is the conductor, dun look like me, guess we aint related la. Met gor's fren at both schools. HAHA. The second time I saw him I was like whacking him already. GOSH so flirty la me. No, I dun call this flirty, Im just how to sae? Sociable ba. I can talk to anyone, anyone can talk to me(:

Met a few friends on the way, straight away I told them that if we get to study there we will be in the same clique, they agreed and high 5 me((: HAHA. No need scared no frens le.
Met Hazel, nice girl, deyi-ian. Hit off with her right away. At first I tot she was snobblish pls, then at the end I dunno why also I talked to her and we talked and talked, and we both agree that we are nice and we can really click well. HAHA. Warmed up together, with When You Believe, Sunset, Phantom of The Opera. I did Hosana alone in one corner, she did her warm up, walked ard the track under the setting sun humming beautiful tunes. Beautiful. Romantic.. Went home with her, the road is dark, but who cares. The light of friendship shone brightly in front of us. So sad we have to part. Im gonna miss this girl. Alot..

Went home at 10, sad case, was alone studying in the room with Hazel and Kindee's smses. HAHA, so cute. Suddenly feel so.. HAIZ. I hope I can get to enter schools of my dreams, somewhere I can really sing and establish my singing career. But first, I need a chance and an opportunity. But where can I get it?

Read darl's hp's smses, they were so sweet, HAHA. XIANG DANG NIAN PLS. I GOT MORE! HAHA. Hmms, maybe you should consider, but then again you should reject, I dunno leh, depends on your feel ba, but dont go do weird things I go thank god le. Must update me with the latest news, I got experience ma. So can help you de. But the experience was a bad one, so most likely you know what Im gonna say to you la.. Dun need to feel so troubled de, learn to let go cooly, unless you really feel, otherwise dun.. Just control your emotions la. Anyway there is someone there waiting for you, just for you to choose only what, and the choice is urs la. JUST AIYAH, XUE WO, miss people then go study or pray to God, sure will take away some distractions de, well, least it worked for me la, for 3 days only. Ok la, 1 day only la, and thats the time accumulated when Im sleeping or sth. Everday 4 hours, 3 days 12 hours, ok lorr, 1/2 a day la. HAHA(:

Aiyah, shant say so much, Im stress le. Oh GOR is gonna take me for matchmaking services. HAHA. That time his birthday never really go wish him or sth, HAHA. After 4 years... Shall go yue him out one day. EEEEE. HAHA. He ask me to help him put advertisements la; Here goes..
Kenny Kenny Kenny Keeeee's Matchmaking Agency.
Where to find me? 123 Yangguang Tao Dapai 113 Xingjiapo you qu 123456.
How to contact me? Call Carian Tham la, my partner in crime and advisor of blind dates. Her taste is very very very very good(; NO WORRIES(:
Requirements (Carian's requirements in fact) You must be at least 155 and above, slightly taller than Carian Thammy O Tham. Must have big eyes! Guys must have spikes, girls must have long and silky hair with nicenice dimples. Eyebrows must be plucked neatly, complexion as long as it is not as bad as mine can le. My forehead really cannot make it pls. At least doctorate qualifications with a cerified Medical license so that Carian can start her own medical centre like da chang jin to help heal smallpox(: Er, both genders must be willing to lend me all their Billabong, Ripcurl and Topman shirts and whatever la.. Lend me their converse shoes and buy me that lay's bbq chips; then only will I consider helping you apply(:

Sheesh, I dunwanna blog le, Im so distracted. Why is this feeling so.. Rubbish la, haiz. I dunno what to do with myself la.

I wanna get out of this asap.. PLS!


Morning was kinda good and exciting for me la(: Only kindee and my parent knows bah la. Ok plus my ever encouraging RJ cuzzee, thats all. Im good in keeping secrets(: RECENTLY ONLY.

I hope I can get thru it successfully, and currently the despo me is waiting for more calls, I dun think will have le bah.
As I say, the more you expect the more you weep, prolly is correct, things tend to strike you unknowingly. And Im hoping for more miracles to happen to me(: But somehow Im quite contented le la. Thank you God(:

You really make me cry, make me go totally hopeless, I did not get an encouraging word from you at all before you leave the house. Ok la, I know Im not as smart compared to you, and Im lousy compared to your ex's. But that doesn not mean you are in the position to say me until liddat. From the very day when Im filling in and arranging forms, you did not get me any encouragement. Im always doing it alone. ALONE. Not even encouragements from my frens. My bestie forgot that such thing did happen or sth. Everybody just dun care about me at all. Im not getting any attention from anyone. Im just always alone! Ok forget it, I wont let you affect me. I warn you, even if I get thru it, it will be my credit with God's as well as those who have been encouraging me(I doubt) BUT NEVER YOURS ALRIGHT?

Some stuffs happened to me online, I dunno how to say larr, I feel so intimidated by her la. Maybe thats her character? I dunno la? Shant let anyone affect me. HAIZ. I feel so alone again. So bored, gor, where are you now? I want you to cheer me up again(:

Exams are not really well-studied la. Forget it, I dun care le. KILL ME BABY, KILL ME.


Like shoots, I want my old hair backk! I miss my everything, my boyish clothes, my broadshorts, my everything. Was digging thru my neoprints and I found this picture, and Im so in love with myself. HAIZ. Here goes:

I look so different now and Im so de sad. I think I look like some clown now la, messy hair with no shape, though I cutted V-shape that time. But after 2 months what do you expect. Mr Gatsby Wax and Mrs Gatsby Waxspray seemed to be waving to me daily trying to catch my attention. Yet, Ms Kerastase Nutritive Hotoil seems to be trying to kiss my hair almost everyday, not forgotting Mrs Loreal too. HAIZ.
Mei chu xi de tou fa grow so slow, let people laugh only, make owner feel paiseh only la): Sheesh`

Went to bestie's house today! LIKE YAY!? Took many videos with her on my hp, those interested can come ask me to see. Full of entertainment and laughter. Maybe no lar, cos most of the HAHAHAHA is made by me, irritating I know, but its me(: My style((:
I tired to talk about what I did today la. Just see pictures la k(:

Me cutting celeries la, dun like to eat, but still must cut la, dietary fibre good for health, according to wise master of F&N Tan Hui Juan=/

Bestie cutting carrots, I dun like also la. HAIZ.

Sheesh her, she is so cute(=

Come fight with the blue ranger! I cant let mummy see this pic mann!=X

I found a new bottle of honey!((: *Points*

She is such a greedy pigg la(:

HAHAHAS` My big face(:

OUR MASTERPIECE! AHHEMS, I cooked it ok! HAHA(:

We love each other so much that we have to munch on the same noodle(: HAHAHA. That process is gross la k=/ BUT I LOVE BESTIE! Come I give you a kiss now Hmmmmuacks*

Today was a kinda fun day except my handphone almost dropped into the pot cos I was msging and cooking at the same time. HAHA. Might as well let it drop la, then got new hp! HAHA. Food was great, cos I cooked de mah! Dinner was better la, her mummy cooked pumpkin rice! GOSH! So nice. I also enjoyed being a freeloader at her house, so much things to eat, so much things to do also!(: She slept and snored while I was revising for my exams, haiz, I think I almost slept on top of her cos Ive no where to rest la. But cannot la, I too heavy le.

Good news!! Im 47.5 kg! GOD, how did it happen? I love her weighing machine! Or maybe the neutons is 9.0N instead of 10N cos her house is higher up? AHAHAS. I swear Ive being munching on chips and chocolates la. HMMS, and my face became rounder like a ball pls. People see me, people run away la=X

Shoots, Im gonna miss Min Zheng Hao pls, I watch DCJ cos of him de can. I think I want somebody like him as my bf or sth la. HAHA. EXCEPT the beardy part. Too long, later he poke me how? HAHA. Then eyes abit bigger la! Too small! Sheesh Im practically changing him la. I want somebody like DASHU! In the Xin Niang Shi Ba Shui! I THINK HE IS SO WHOOSH~ pls.
Watching this two shows can really put me into my own dreamland pls. Gosh, and my tots can really run so so so far away. HEH. AHHH! I want my life to be like the second show, and my bf to be like Min Zheng Hao+ ABIT of dashu. YAY. HAHA. And my bf must be pretty, as in, you know, pretty boys? Spiky hair, put eyeliner and pluck eyebrow those type? HEEHEE. Then the eyes must be BIGG, like kindee liddat, nvm abt that, Im sure she will be willing to donate it to my future bf. HAHA.
Aiyah, easier thing send kindee for sex change operation, everything ok~~ I PAY I PAY. HAHAHAHAHA(: JK LA. Later she wanna kill me=X

Today is Gor's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY(: Gorgor, I know you are feeling so sad now, and Im really so haiz that Im so useless now. I cant help I cant anything, but just read your slow sad msges on msn. I tried to console you, I know it wont help, I mean its your feelings la and your emotions, being treated this way by your girl isnt good. I told you to give it up, but you insisted in holding on to her. We are sec4s le, we have to start studying NOW. No more time to waste, Im one good etc, learn from me, GIVE HER UP. Things that are not yours, will never be yours. Why make yourself miserable like me, everyday 4-6am then sleep. Not good for health you know. Mine is cant be help de, yours can, so before you end up like me, GIVE IT UP. As I say, leave everything after Os! I know we are those I WANT IT NOW KINDA THING. But even after you break with her (touchwood k(:` Who is so free to patuo at this instant? Even if you wanna find someone also after exams right? We are people of the same kind, I totally understand how you feel k! Leave everything after exams, who knows there might be a miracle. I tell you ah, FORTUNE TELLER TOLD ME THAT I GOT TAOHUA YUN AFTER OS THAT PERIOD OF TIME. HAHA. I SHALL SEE IF ITS TRUE ANOT. SCARLY IS YOU I LAUGH PLS. CHOY! HAHAHHAHAHA. Jkjk

I manage to learn something from rs, not only in rs, but in life bah, the more you insist, the more you cant attain, the more you expect, the more you weep.
Since being with someone is so xinku then why be together? MUST LET GO. HAHAHA. Hmmms.


Somehow I feel that Im the only one that can heal whatever Im feeling right now la. Emo emo emo. YES! *Punches fist into air!* I get to apply whatever I learn. Good girl Carian. *Hard pat on owns head*
I realised that my post is always about love love love, like like like. Hmms, and if u dingdongs ever realised, as in read my archives, I bet you people can find it so enjoyable, like wth? I use this particular language me and lynnie love invented. Jealousity, fuzziness, lemon family all because we have a common topic in the past. We are both madly crazy over lemon juice, lemongrass and lemonstew. OH GOSH. The past is so sweet. In fact all pasts are sweet. The experiences, all your encounters with your crushies. I remembered Lynnie and I stalking the lemonees la. Then we will do this little chant when we see them. Here goes
Both: A little bit of fuzziness *Wiggle our fingers*
Heaven and earth exalted *Puts fist over left and right chest*
Lynnie: JEALOUSITY!
Carian: AND CURIOUSITY WONT HELP!
GOD, so childish, SEC2 LE STILL DOING IT. I NTH TO SAY MANN. All beautiful things will end, sometimes immediately, sometimes slowly.. Ever since she went for a camp and she found her new bestie, we hardly contact le. You see, happiness is always drifting apart from me, I just have no luck in friendships la.
Same goes, whenever I met with someone new, its no doubt that I can really rub it in with that new someone. However after sometime, things just die off. You can say that my passion for that person died down, or Im someone that cant have the same friends for a long period of time bah. But things are really just so wrong. I admit I was kinda upset with her leaving me for a period of time, but there was nth I could do la. Hmms, you can call me erms, devoted, you can call me sentimental, but I just realise that Im so different from my other friends la. I can make new friends, but I cant keep them. And thats a sad thing. Because it seems that its backfiring on me now. HUOGAI LA.
I really really like this particular friend of mine, but recently something happen and I feel that we are rocking off. I dunno la, as said, in the beginning everything hits off well la, but as time goes by, I have a feeling that we are trying to think of sth to say or sth. Gosh, this is so unhealthy la, as in friends still liddat. Just somehow I enjoy talking to her, doing stuffs with her, its like all so fun and it really brighten up my hols, yeah! I especially love the first few weeks of my hols you know! However things werent the same anymore. Shoots, I know Im gonna be damn ruoma here or sth, just bear with it. But I dunwan dunwan dunwan dunwan her to leave me. I dunwan school to reopen, I dunwan her to be busy, I just dunwan. But I dunno how to tell her that. Weird me. There are so many things I wish I can tell her, but I really just dunno how. I scared it will just set her running away or sth. AIYAH, I dunno leh. But I know I really cherish her. And I hope she can be the one that help me kick away the bad habit of not cherishing my friends. ESP good ones(:
Hmmms, Hope things are better for us(:
OH MRS EDITOR OF READERS DIGEST, please tell me what to do.
From Ms Troubled. HAHAHAHAHAH. SO RUBBISH! Oh btw, such forums are nice to read you know, can go kpo people's problemsies(:
Studying for geog now, in case you peeps didnt notice, try the right click on your mouse and you will get to see something so lame. HAHA. I memorised it ok. HEEHEES. SHOOTS SHOOTS SHOOTS. Im so bored, and my wonderful friend, where are you ah??!! HMPHS.


Sheesh, today is wasted again. Spent my day having tuition and stuffs, hmms, weird la, I suddenly like Amaths leh. Esp kinemetics. Why ah. Told Richard about DSA, he doesnt seem to know what does it stand for, you know why? That is because those students taught by him are those directly use ZAI results to go in de or sth. They everything zai, of course no need use Cca and whatever to get into top schools la. But then he was telling me he is not very happy with RJ's Teaching methods as well as some girl in RJ. According to him, she doesnt do nieghbourhood schools' paper la. BUT THEN SOME NEIGHBOURHOOD SCHOOLS GOT GOOD QNS DE K): Hmms, and now she is in RJ, but he thinks her standard worst then mine. SURE ANOT? In front of you I can do their work, but wait till you know how much I get for Midyears la. YOU LAUGH AND SCREAM YOUR HEAD OFF LA. WHY AH! TELL ME WHY CAN'T I DO WELL FOR SCHOOL PAPERS? But I can do IP's paper? DOES IT MEAN THAT I HAVE THE BRAINS OF THOSE SMART ASSES AND I DUN HAVE A STUPID BRAIN? HAHA. Rubbish. Just have to work harder!(:
Stupid guy add me then dunwan to talk to me, then keep online offline-ing, very fun ah? Speaking about that idiot, haiz. HAIZ HAIZ HAIZ. Nvm. I will never forgive you. Soon, your contacts will be deleted again((X If you didnt notice I deleted off your link in friendsters(: Unless you are blind, otherwise you would have realised that you are no longer my friend:D I will never forgive people that hurt me so deeply, cheat my feelings, make me fu chu so much and in the end I got cheated. FORGET IT MAN. I will make sure I cut all ties with you. Be it msn or friendsters or whereever, sorry ah, but Im liddat. Once we are over, we cant be friends. Yupps, my policy. Im just stating the facts.
Ppt slides so irritating la, Monday still must pass it to Huiqi to paste(: Finally done with it, hardwork k! Big Thank You to Kenny Kee! And all his friends that gave me ideas on the ppt and send me the ppt and such. Aiyah, XIE XIE NI MEN. Got chance to meet you all, I shake hands with you all ar. AHAHA.
I wonder if Im senstive or what, but I feel that Im sucha outcast by my friends. I dunno why. I wonder what I did I do wrongly. HAIZ. I dunno la. Bestie is kinda back to me le, but my other friends seemed to be distant from me. Hmms, I think sth is wrong with me and my attitude la. Must change, must change..
Heart to heart talk with her yesterday, FINALLY. Hmms, I know more about her le, what she thought for the past few months. If only Im by her side, but I know its impossible, Im busy and she is busy and everyone is busy. Forget it la. I shall let nature take its course, if we have fate to meet then meet lorr, cannot then cannot lor. I dun care about such things le, heart dead, heart dead.
Suddenly I dunno what am I thinking, am I too foolish to do so much? After so much disappointment, yet Im still waiting for her patiently. Yupps, If only I can receive a call from her right now, it would be so SCREAMS. I have so much to tell her! I must keep her updated with all my stuffs, let her know whats happening, and I really hope I can be closer to her within hours! HAHA, Me in my own world again. Cannot be la, 12 plus le who can use phone? Ok bah, only me, I sneak phone to use mah.. She cant la, young kid, kena scolded by mum I laugh ah. Ooops, so evil(; Hope to see you soon next week(: AH FINALLY! My heart is abit peaceful le(:
But yet, there is another stone or load or rock buried at the bottom of me.. Hmms.
She is right, I will never be able to get real, north pole like someone, southpole like someone.. WHEREGOT LOR, I DAMN DEVOTED DE CAN! I will make sure the loving continues on to 1 YEAR! HAHAHAHAS. People VERY serious about such thing de can. Pls ar, more like you not serious la. STUPID!!! AHHHH! CURSE YOU AH!
YESYES, let me list out what Im gonna date you out for!
1. MY BIRTHDAY TREAT! That time I cant, so you must go with me after Midyears!(: And I'll make sure you buy me that icecream!!!
2. Neoprints! We must take so so so so many many many many pictures together! Must capture everything k(: EEE. HAHA.
3. YOU NEVER BUY ME PRESENT FOR MY BIRTHDAY! SO YOU MUST MUST MUST BUY FOR ME NOW(:
Should be liddat bah, then after that you must go suntan with me, then go rollerblade(: YAY! Mann, I cant wait for it. OH! I hope you can go to the marathorn too. But you got class also. HAIZ. You and your lessons la!!! DUN CARE YOU MUST GO! WHALAO, I VERY ANGRY LA, YOU SAE YOU TOTALLY FORGOT THAT I WILL BE SINGING! FORGET IT, I WONT GO SEE YOU NEXT TIME. CURSE YOU LA. &^#%&^$%(*
Aiyah, although there is kinda good news for me here, but then my heart still feels very sour la, hope the feeling goes away soon. Its tortourous, and I shldnt be feeling that now. HAHA.
I will always remember your promise to me(: So dont ever lie to me again..

Whalao, I love you la. ARGHHH.

Im not sure if this is good or bad, yeah, I know you guys have the same skin as me. Hopefully its not cos of that old rumour la. Ok, whatever, maybe I think too much le. Did I?
Did some qnses before I go out to meet momo. On the mrt also do, in the bank also do. SIAO AH.
Momo refused to get the black nail polish for me from the face shop. I wanna buy the dark blue one also dun let. I think she is seriously against me turning gothic la. Sheesh, least I put thick black eyeliner out. Thats part of being gothic la(: But I go rub my eyes, so my entire eyes damn black, so ugly. HAHA.
Seriously, what is happening to me mann, my momo says that Im turning weird and she feels like using her knuckle to punch me. HAHA. Ok whatever. HA.
More achievments today.
1. Black (THE LASTEST!!!) bigbig pencil case(:
2. Orange shirt from 77th street with dark orange stripes(:
3. MY LONG AWAITED ORANGE ZING BAG! The rectangle that one!! *SCREAMS!*
I think thats all ba. I forgot. Carrefour cheesecake counted anot?
SO SO SO happy la, now I can throw away my blue dirty dirty zinc bag. Very soon I will wanna throw away the converse bag with orange stripes! HAHA. (DONT TELL MY MOMO, SHE IS SUSPECTING THAT IM GONNA DO THAT SOON;D) Then I wanna go buy another punk bag, prefably that furry zinc bag or a guys bag.. HAHA, I dunno la.
I wanna get those blue/black/white/orange... nail polish soon, so on that marathorn day I can paint it dark blue or black la, then maybe borrow baobao's flowers and go print on my nails. HAHA, so gay. I put real crystals on my nails then you know ah. HAHA.
Anyway went to Sony Erisons or dunno how you spell la exhibition, saw those hp models. Hmmms, not very impressive la, kindee! WO QUAN NI, buy nokia hps la, nicer and more durable, next time u wanna sell or trade in also more value la! BU TING LAO REN YUAN, CHI KUI ZAI YAN XIAN AH! *COUGHS*
Oh, ate at Sakae's for dinner, quite nice la, dunno leh, why suddenly I like fish le. Hmms, suddenly like to eat stuffs I dun, now I dislike sushi le. Hmmms. Lucky mum got Lady's card got 10% off, otherwise everything will be damn ex la. HAHA. Aiyah, dun care la.
Went home at 830 my mum scolded me cos she said that she dun trust the maids taking care of my sissy and she miss my sissy. WTH &^(#^%(*&$^%*&^$(&* You go out with daddy and sissy also never hear that you miss me la. HMPHS.
Not bad not bad, I JIE SHAO ZA's toner to everybardee with acne probs like me to use! My acnes getting better le! YAY! But then I got use doctor's medicine to plaster on my face la, so I dunno which is good, which is just bai swee only la. MR BLOGGER! Remind me to mask my face and exoliate it tomo after I bathe. And remind me to put that xiangxiang oil on my hair after I wash my hair, its one week le, and its time I have to pamper my face and hair again(: Ok, with second tots, my face isnt better la, my forehead is not smooth leh, I suddenly feel it, like so rough liddat. Then so pain somemore. Ok la, I got pimples again. Forget it, ignore the ZA toner thing ar, thank you.
Aiyah I cant sleep again, shall go make noise in my parents room now. HAHA. Hope that they wont whack me la. HAHA.
OI STUPID EYES AND STUPID BRAINS! Its time you learn to sleep early, otherwise school reopen le, Carian Tham si le. HAHA(:



Big thank you to you Kenny for entertaining me from 10-145am! HAHA. Its like he is the headprefect in my primary school days and Im under him la, then we didnt get to talk for erms, 2 years until yesterday. AYE! You jiayou with her alright! I told you she still loves you la, just that her mum what only! Dont be so senstive la k(: Stupid Kenny wanna go matchmake me with his frens when he learnt that I wasnt attached-___- Never kena attached very sad meh, very poor thing meh? Why must give yourself unneccessary problems go patuo. And another thing is, thanks for allowing me to find out who I really am, help me relocate my confidence and purpose in life. Whatever you have said to me, though its rather OK.. And no guys have ever said that to me, be it a lie anot, though you claim its true, like whatever? HAHA. Thank you mann. And I hope I get to see you during the marathorn! You said that you will try to make it right?(:
Im seriously damn stressed up la k. I dunno whats happening to you guys, making decisions without me knowing, making plans le and then making me the last to know? THEN YOU TELL ME HOW THE FUCK AM I GONNA TELL TEACHER WHAT IS HAPPENING? You think its damn easy to organise everything ah, there are things and stuffs I dun tell you all, cos I dunwan to burden you guys with my trouble. Teacher's comments are adding on to my workload daily. And yet when I know you guys wanna change this wanna change that, how will I react? I wanted to scream and shout, but I cant. I CANT! Who can I scream to? I cant yelled at anyone, later I become a loner, my own bestie like dunwan me also, I cant call her, even if I call nobody is there to answer, I seriously think she is dead la. I missed her so much, yet I dun dare to call, Im just very scared that she will be like: Carian, WO XIAN ZAI HEN MANG.. HAHAHA... Then I will be like(AS USUAL) Okok, I understand, I call you another day. And I know she must be so happy, because she manage to get rid of me, and carry on watching her TV and some sorts, she isnt truthful to me la, her busy means watch TV or go out de, she doesnt even care about me. WHAT HAPPEN TO OUR SWEET TIMES? Since when is the last time you said BESTIES FOREVER! To me? I forgot. You dont need me anymore, you have wings, you flew away and I cant seemed to catch you back.
Yahlar, I admit it was my fault that I kinda neglected that you that period of time and so many times you have to call me and tell me you missed me. Then suddenly I remembered that you are alive, I cried and cried nonstop to get you back to my side, but I know things aint the same. * threatened to what me cos * feels that I need you badly as compared to *. During those period of times when IM under threats who is by my side? Nobody. And I know its my retribution k. I know. I deserved to be killed, I know. Sorry. Ever since we got into different schools, as in, ever since I cutted my hair and there are commotions, I have started to neglect you. I know you really tried your best to hold me back, but I drifted from you, now that I realised you are actually very important to me, you have to leave me, stepped out of my heart, and somewhat leave me alone to face the world. WHY MUST THINGS BE LIDDAT?
There are so many things I wanna do with you, there are so many things I wanna tell you. I really want to tell you I really love you as my bestest friend, I wanna go suntan with you, I wanna watch all the movies that you like and I dun like. If Im given this chance, I hope I can just do anything with you that pleased you. Tried calling you 3 times, no answer, thanks ah.
Perhaps Im too weak, perhaps im too emotional, perhaps the Carian you guys know in the past has died, the NEVERSAYDIE Carian, she is gone. She became so sensitive, horrible and irrcorigible. I dunno why, I just change. Kenny said that Im nice, Im a goodfren, Im sweet and blahblah, if only all these were said to me by my bestie! IF ONLY!
Life hasnt been easy for me, so many things on my mind. Emotionally unstable, becoming crazy, becoming paranoid. WHERE ARE YOU? IF ONLY, you can appear online now, I will be so happy, even if you are busy and you cant talk to me, just looking at your nick is good enuff, and Im very contented le. Shit, I have slipped into it even deeper le. I cant seemed to pull myself out at all. Its just like, stuck in between the narrow paths of the rift valley, and fat Carian cant move. That exact same feeling. I think Ive become so dependent on you, yet I dunno if I can tell you whats happening, how I wish I can just disturb you the whole entire night, but I cant la, you are a busy person, and Im a slacker, mugger and slacker can never click. Oh well. I shall go look for a slacker then. HAIZ.
Anyway, I somewhat lose hope in you le. You are just so unreachable. I dunno what you are thinking, and we are never honest with each other, oh well, forget it, I shall treat all these as a dream, after I wake up, it will be over. HA! If only its so easy. Whatever la.
Back to marathorn! I really hope everything will be ok! Im just so scared that everybody were to give up halfway. You know faced by such a situation I cant really do much, perhaps ive lost my influencial tongue. Ms Tan said I should study marketing cos Im a people's person. HAHA, prolly I wanna be a doctor, thats why I lost it le la. HAHA. But if I can be a PR I also dun mind la, serious. NO LEH. I wanna be a gynae! Cos I told all my close frens to let me help them jie sheng in future. But then all of them say Im a big biantai! COME ON LA, Carian prove to you that I shuncui wanna help to deliver lives into this world k, not for other reasons la! SNIGGERS!* SO LAME.
Anw, Im damn WOW by DR MARVIN CHAN today! Didnt know he is married la. Otherwise WO SHANG LE AH! HEH
Mum brought me to walk ard the department of MOP (Ministry of Manpower), saw so many appealing cases, so many foreign workers.. HAHA, so funny! Then the staffs talked to me about my mum, hmm, make me kinda proud of her ah! NOT BAD AR MUMMY! BTW, I think my mummy is so fat! I must do sth, otherwise I will really end up like her soon. HAHA. SO MEAN=X
Submission was ok, the staffs are quite mean to me, take my parcel then just go le, I was like, HELLO EXCUSE ME? MAY I KNOW IF YOU NEED TO CHECK MY DOCUMENTS? The person was like: NO NEED, The teacher in charge will do it. WHALAO. MEANPOK.
Went back to Plmgss to get signature from Principal, cos SA's documents required it, and I forgot and I didnt see=X So dad drove me back to school to get it. Ms Yoong signed for me. Mrs Lee didnt cos she was busy eating cookies-___-''' She brought it into her room and chop the sch's stamp and sign it for me. When she come out, she patted on my shoulder and wished me all the best! *SQUEEZE!* I was so encouraged! When dad drove out of TJ and VJ I was like really praying hard, and sang the Lord's Prayer out loud. Parents are kinda irritated by me cos they are no devotee la. Who cares la. HAA.
I dun need to get into the best school I told them, I just want to get into somewhere where the choir is good. MOST prefably TJ. I wonder who can be my schoolmates there? I scared I alone leh! HAIZ. Oh, I was hiding my blue nails from MS Yoong that time, somemore wearing school U, confirm kena suspended la! HAHA.
God, chong xiao dao da, my life haven been smooth for me, my family was seriously torn up, but Im glad you gave me a dad that love me so much now, a wonderful stepsissy that is so naughty(X My social ladder isnt good either, Ive been living in the shadows of others, I know nobody really treats me genuinely. I got into that stupid thing and I thank god for helping me climb out safely. Life hasnt been smooth for me. My parents, their health, my 3 houses, all our expenses.. My amaths and emaths tution, chem and physics tution. My maids.. All these requires money la. I really want to help them save la, But I seem to need to spend la=X Studies aint gd, yahlar, term2 was kinda ok for me, but midyears was bad, and I have told my parents yet. HAHA. I dunno I just dunno! God, I really hope that you can send your angels to surround me, and take good care of me, I commit my life onto you, Im so tired. And if Im allowed to request, pls send your angels in a form of a human to take care of me. Im so directionless. guide me thru this difficult period in my life father. Amen.
AIYAH, I SO STRESS NOW. DUNWAN TO BLOG LE LA. KENNY! IM HERE TO KAJIAO YOU AGAIN! Then dunwan eh, later Dasao jealous(:
Oh btw, dont say that your expectations are low and Im too good for you or whatsoever, you are special in your own ways, serious. Its not a mistake that you chose her and you sae you regretted cos I suddenly appear in your life. Its just soo unfair to her k. Remember, Im just some human on earth, that needs to drink, eat and play like you all. No one special, no one superior, remember that(: And also, even if you give her up now, you will end up with nth, because my heart will never be yours, as it has flown elsewhere and is \ attached on the shadow of someone elses heart le. HAHA. Gdnight to you. And dun think so much k(:


OHOHOS, I was kinda ERMS by the MTV of MY HUMPS in the middle of the night at 1150 sharp. I realised that its a very low production mtv la, I expected chio and hot girls prancing about the screen till my eyes can pop out, but the mtv disappointed me. All I can see is some dancers and posers showing off their figures, liddat still nvm, but I really wonder whats up with their boobs and asses? They can like PUMP IT PLS. I dunno how they do it, but it looks bouncy to me, and I feel like poking my hand and like, poke it la. To see how turgid it is. Oh mann, Im having the urge la. IM SUCHA BIANTAI=X
JOKING. YUCKS. Its damn disgusting la, why cant they put on their thinking caps and ponder of a more erms, DECENT mtv? Oh gosh, poor Carian): Somemore I really like that song la, give me this kinda mtv, WHALAO EH!
I realised I have this bung in my friendster list, I was like 0__0 SERIOUS? Ok la, she is a malay and she is attached, not trying to be racist, but I didnt know muslims can be lesbians. I was so shock=X NO OFFENCE AH!! But I was really shock. HMMS.
Hmmms, somebody asked me damn weird qns, I didnt know after 1 year le, you still can ban chu lai jiang. HAHA. Somemore YOU LIE TO ME HOR! THANKS AH. I will never forgive you, I emphasize, I WILL NEVER.
Went shopping with mama and sissy.
1. ZA Green Tea Toner.
2. ZA Exoliating lotion.
3. ZA Peel Off Mask
4. 37 Degrees dress! (I LIKE IT SOOO MUCH!)
4. 2 SBS! OH GOD, SHE ACTUALLY ALLOWED ME TO BUY!((:
4. 1 CHAO thick brown hairband.
5. 1 black hairband.
6. Clips for my siao zha bor hair.
7. LUCIDO'S Gloss Spray.
8. Tanning oil((: I WANNA GO TANN TANN TANN!
I actually wanted to get my billabong black pencil case from 77th street, but I didnt, cos the best I could find was a dark blue one. I like it la. But 24.90 for one pencil case like damn siao pls. So most prolly I will only spend like 15 on my pencil case la. Im not so rich la. But then I saw this graffiti shirt, dun dare buy la, wanna buy also not infront of mum. HAHA. I suddenly love Zinc bags la, saw a few la, quite nice, the rectangle de? I LIKE! Its like 32+ liddat, dun care, Im asking my mum to buy for me(: There are so many things I wanna buy la, if I only I can buy the whole universe down, I realised that this world is infested with items I like leh.I WANT MORE MONEY!
Called bestie today, she sounded so sad like she shilian liddat, hmms, dun worry ah, Carian is here to pull you up again. But no la, she dun have boyfriend, how to shilian? HAHA. Her studies problem, then plus this hols we like not meeting at all la. She have her F&N to do, then she damn jinzhang biang liddat, HAIZ. I only I can do sth to help her la. Poor thing. HAIZ): I also poor thing la k, so boring, everytime alone de, dun have peng you): Tomo got choir, tomo got marathorn prac, haiz, both also impt la, yet I dun dare tell them I cant make it for marathorn. So I have to skip choir. My beautiful attendance gone le la. Aiyah, whatever.
Damn sian, I feel that my life is so protected, too protected, somehow I really feel like running out of my comfort zone and do sth I shldnt do. Not that Im rebellious, but its like, my life is so boring, if I were given a choice to choose, I hope I can really be like damn smart la, ace everything, yet on the other side of me, Im having so much fun. I wonder whats she doing now. SIAO AH. OF COS SLEEPING LA, 1.12am? MANN, everyone is asleep except me, dun dare to go tarao people la, so shall isolate myself here with my com. Serious shimian prob again pls. Shall go brew jasmine tea and chang yue with myself. WAH, THE MOON TODAY SO DE BRIGHT! SHUN BIAN EAT ABIT OF MOONCAKE AND DUMPLINGS((: OH GOD. HEAVENLY. Then later hope that chang e wave at me ar. Then can see yu tu hopping and hopping ard me. AHAHAS. Then later sailormoon and chibimoon bian shen infront of me. OH GOSH! SPEAKING ABT SAILORMOON AH! I LIKE THE SHOW WHEN I WAS 5 PLS. QINGS AND GRETCH BAOBAO! YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME AT WISMA WE TALKING WHO WANNA BE WHAT??? OH GOSH. WHOSE XIAOTU? WHOSE XIAOXIAOTU AH? I remember I volunteered to be chibimoon the pinkpink hair de right!? Then who is my sister ah? Qings is it you wanna be the Venus de ah. Then laogong wanna be MOON? As in, really the moon in the sky? OHOHOHOHS. DAMN FUNNEH LA.
Ok, 4 sec4 girls fighting over cartoon characters that day, damn lame la. OI QINGS! *LIFT UP HAND and shout: STH STH STH BIAN SHEN!!!* MUSIC STARTS PLAYING. OH GOSH. 1 day you all shall come to my house to watch the VCD! But I think I gave it to my bro cuzzee? AWWWW so sad!
GOSH today I heard some idiot saying that I BU NAN BU NU! Then someone say I gothic, then one of the maids say I look like an actress in Philiphines and my dad looks like some actor acting as a rich man in Philiphines? GOD. IM FROM SINGAPORE AH. Then my maid go and say I look like MS AMERICA?-___- Then before I leave the house, she ask me to do the worldpeace sign, and cry and rub my tears at the same time while parading my outfit. WHAT IS THIS LA.
HELLO? IM SUPPOSE TO BE GOTHIC? BLUE FINGERNAILS, BLUE TOENAILS. THANKS AH. HMMMS, I wonder what will my frens say tomo when they see my nails. HAHA.
Settle le, Im gonna buy black polish and an even darker shade of blue. COME ON LA, nobody dare to go out with me la.
Gretch told me that she dunwanna be my partner for dancing le, cos I told her I will be gothic that day( I MEAN, if we can choose our own outfits la ), then she sae she wanna polish her nails and have flowers on top of it??? WHALAO! SO GIRLY LA! Then she sae I look weird. WHALAO! GOTHIC PEOPLE, GOTHIC! THATS COOL.
SHEESH, Im turning into a maron soon! RAHHHHHH DO RE ME FA SO LA TI DO! I RECOVER LIAO! AND I WANNA GO SING LIFT THINE EYES WITH MY CHOIR! AHHHH~~~~~~~~ SINGING ROCKS, CHOIR ROCKS, SOPRANO 1 ROCKS, DESCANT ROCKS (OK LA, only got two person left), EVERYBARDEE ROCKS, CARIAN PEBBLE AH!
MANN, so coldd ah.
WAH LONG POST MAN. I doubt anybody has the patience to read this. HAHA((((((((((:


What can I say except that Im feeling so jealous now la. SHEESH you, you told me you dont what anymore and yet you are like doing that. Sheesh you, whatever, I dun care about you anymore le, dont sms me, dont talk to me online, dont this dont that to me anymore pls. I dun like you.

You lied to me!
My sze yi got dengue, about to go over to visit her, shall go there and steal some birdnest to drink. Make sure its the real one ah, fake de like those cans de I dun entertain de ah): First is my dad, now her, hmmms, so cool ah. POOR THING AH. COOL MEH?
Haven thought of the perfect plan yet, forget it, nobody wants to help me, I shall not care also(: Took spastic pics with my sissy just now when the house is somewhat clearer, shall upload it after I come back from the hospital.
Im close to dropping dead, yet I have no guts to give everything up at this moment.



Sheesh, my eyelids have been twitching like crazy since this afternoon, somehow this feeling Ive seems to be erms, negative ba. I mean, nth good will happen to me de la.
Lessons was quite ok, fun la, fun time copying down notes, Gretch says that we shldnt sit with each other, cos we both dun understand stuffs taught by Ms Ferng, ARE YOU TRYING TO HINT TO ME STH AH)): IDIOTIC LA. Anw, lessons are fun, with the company of family, darl and partner <3
After that was marathorn meeting, okok, I admit and I know, nobody is happy or excited over it, confirm there will be squabbles and conflicts over it la, I can see, from an outsider's point of view. If Im not wrong, I think some people close to me seems to hate me or sth. HAIZ.
Its tough trying to put everything together, esp when one is having a sorethroat and vampire bitten hand):
Gretchen helped me wobble my fats today-__-, after every attempt she established, she will grasp: FATS! So FAT. Then whenever I tell her Im hungry, she will be like: SO FAT LE LAR, DONT EAT LA! GRETCHEN WANG SIYUN, ZHEN GUOFEN! If the canteen sells your fave food, I bet you chiong down first lorr(X Everyday drink 2 litres of water! WHALAO! Still come and dian infront of me. HMPHS. LATER SHUIZHONG I LAUGH! HAHA, JKJK AH. Later you angry wo si le! HAHA.
Gretchen! GOOD NEWS! My vampire bitten hand is gonna heal soon! AND ANOTHER THING AH, dun bother correcting the way I sit, I sit like this at home, even when Im typing this now. HAHA. Ok, at most when I wear FBT I promise I dun do this infront of you la k((:
Really felt like crying this afternoon, but I cant. Wanna cry also go home and cry, cannot let people see the weak side of me((: Deputy was very angry today. Ok la, shuo ye hao siao, I was doing the scolding at first, scream and shout, scream and shout. The reason why I wanna cry is cos I CANT TALK! I have to use my erms, how to sae, diaphragm to talk. WHAKAO!): I even stared at darling sternly. Not that Im angry with her, just that I think she is the best person to look at among everyone else. HAIZ, whats happening to me? OVERLY AMBITIOUS? TOO WHATEVER, OR IM SUCHA BITCH. OK, I think Im a bitch la. AIYAH, whatever la. Then deputy was over there calming me down. Next it was deputy's turn to be angry, she scolded sth tution what tution. That word is damn senstitive to me la k, how can she say its stupid!? Ok whatever, shallnt be bias. I calmed her down. To be honest, actually she and I have the same thinkings, totally similar, just that coward me dun dare to voice it out. I think Im so selfish. Totally selfish, I feel damn guilty la. I used to discipline choir when the P and Vp was not ard with that ruthless and horrible snarl, but I always ended up giggling and the atmosphere lighten. Everybody knows that Im not those kinda scolding person la. ESP those sec3s. STUPID LA. They suan me when Im doing the scoldings?-___-''' But for my class, I cant do the same way we are of the same age! I cant you see. They are my frens, and majority of them are my goodfrens, I just cant scold them la. OK SHEESH, whatever, I will just pray hard to God and hope that things will be ok. SIANN.
My vampire scars very itchy la, cant scratch somemore. Later got blood I faint ah. HOW AM I GONNA BE A GYNAE AT THIS RATE?
Went out with momos today, quite alright la, bought eyelashes thingmajig, hairwax, graffti shirt and two shorts and two belts. HAHA. I asked her: MAMEE! Can I buy more clothings? AND SHE SAID YES?! OMG. SO NICE AND SWEET(: SUNDAY IS DADDY'S DAY(: AND I HAVEN DONE ANYTHING DECENT FOR HIM.
Im really feeling so not right today, the entire night, I just dunno why. Something seems to be quite wrong, and I dunno why. I just feel so scared, so directionless, like as though, Im gonna drop dead anytime. The weird feeling came back, suddenly. Like so sudden, but this time, its a entire different kinda feeling. I dunno why. I just dunno why.
Im glad I know whats happening. Its just a stupid misunderstanding ba((: YAY!


Im just shocked. What happen to the nice you in the past? Why did you change so much? What happen, what did I do to cause this difference in your tone towards me? I really wish I can turn back time, turn it back to that day, undo whatever Ive done that reveals who you really are. Amend whatever I say, and cherish the times whenever I get to talk to you, sms you and whatsoever. I guess, those days will never come again, or rather, or these will just become sweet memories I have of you. I really wont know what to do in future, whenever I come online, I will go look for you, talk to you, now, I dun even have the guts to click on your nick. All that I can do is to stare at your nick and let the past recollect and dwell in my mind. Thats baichi I know, But I dun care.
You are so scary, even much worse than anyone I know. Prolly Ive been living in my own world, you aint the nice type. But somehow this comes up to my mind, perhaps you are nice inside and whatever outside? HAHA, I dunno, and I know I will never have the chance to find out. Self-denial I call this. I really dunno what to do with you la, no matter how much I qns and ask you what is happening, you refuse to tell, I prayed that you can be nicer to me, but obviously, you didnt. It became worst. And soon one day we will stop talking. Ok, why am I saying so much.. Ahahas.
Will things ever be the same again? HAH, seriously, I have no idea.
I just know I once loved you.


RAHH~ Im so bored so I went reading some ERMS, BEEPS* Cant say. HAHAH. Oh stumbled across some people's blog and I heard this song Here Without You by Twohill(: MANN, then I compared it with the original song, it sounded kinda alike, I think he is talented(: 17 only((: 1 year older than me! Maybe I shld go too, SINGAPORE IDOL FOR CHORAL SINGING(:
Today was kinda a bad day, Ms Wong asked me whats the units for acceleration, its suppose to be cm/s^-2 I cant pronouce CENTIMETRES, so somehow SENTIMENTAL came out. Then Ms Wong was like, WHAT IS SENTIMENTAL? Must be singing too much songs at home is it? HOHO. Since when does a song have the word sentimental? HAHA. Wasnt paying attention in class today, just feeling distracted and erms, sick?
OK AS USUAL, I didnt wanna go to school today, but my hp kept ringing and Ive to wake up to ans it, then I cant sleep le. Ok, whatever, then I went to school-__-'''
Auditions is kinda bad la, nobody seems to be listening to what I say, except a handful, and Im very happy le. Some of them, just enjoy doing their own things, ok, if its productive, fine, But the thing is, they aint?! the whole entire thing started only at 1235, by then Gretch has to go already. Ok la, the whole thing was quite ok, least I have my darl to be enthu with me, singing our lungs out and such. But I realised sth reeeel bad. I cant sing high anymore! I cant even reach QINGFEIDEYI de second coda! I was coughing and punching my chest when I sing it. GOSH. I feel so AHH! Forget it, I cant sing le): I tell you, I feel like a total crap, I cant sing I Lay My Love On You. If Im not wrong, Ms Ferng gave me that look when I embarked on the high part, I just cant la, and I really hate myself for that!!! Is my voice breaking?!? I cant reach low, I cant reach high, I cant do anything. I think I shld go jab my throat la, this wont do! Its spoiling my life! I CANT SING! So you see, even if Im healed, I need to wait for another 1 week before the feel comes back. Its always liddat when Im sick. So in total I need 2 weeks! AND I HAVE A CHORAL EXAM TO TAKE OK! GODD, IM SO SCARED!!! And choir prac is coming, whats the point of going if I cant sing? Sop 1 wont have the volume, I will just be demoralised over there, and AHHH! I WANNA KILL MYSELF.
Bloodee me go and eat chocolates just now, THE ENTIRE RITHER SPORTS PLS! GOD, got cornflakes inside somemore, GONGXI CARIAN. HEXI CARIAN. Now I can feel the pain again, OMG OMG.
I need somebody to scold and control my intake of fats. IM DEAD!(:
Sent msges to everybodee just now, hope they receive it, and abide by it, haiz, I dunwan to have anymore probs la. JIAYOU OK! 4A2 YOYO!! TEAM((:
Tomo is the last day of lessons, YAY! That means more boring days at home again. Everybody seems so busy except me): I wonder how am I going to survive facing my stupid Amaths tb? Shuais smsed me yest and volunteered to aid me in maths((: YAY! I make sure she take tons and tons of neoprints with me((: SO HAPPY. Read some people's blog, HMM, I wonder if this is a breaking up season or whatsoever, how come so many people shi lian, feel so sad, curse here and there, more and more people turning evil and mean ah? WHY AH? To those shi lianers, JUST FORGET HIM OR HER AND JUST STUDY LA. HMMS, EASILER SAID THEN DONE. HAHA. AIYAH, just go find someone else la, like you cant life without him or her liddat, that person is only a human, also not ur God, Why cant you all just forget? HAHA. I think Im crapping la, if its me I can just AHHH! CRYCRYCRYCRYCRYCRY. Ok, Im not suppose to cry anymore. And I didnt cry for the past days, and Im so proud of myself. HAHA. YEA RIGHT. Self denial again. MANN. Ok, using my headphones to listen to Lift Thine Eyes, the effect is better, and I can hear myself better!! HAHA. HEHHEH. HOHOS.
Its the 2nd day, I guess. HAHA. Am I suppose to be happy?


Gosh, almost didnt want to come to school today. My flesh seemed to be rotting badly, also dunno why is there such a deep cut on my hand, after I come back from Hlm then liddat, must be I allergy to that place ba. Hmms.
Auditions is tomo, I cant possibly skipped it, cos Ive been thru it for like 1 month? But I dun feel like going to school leh. Ok la, school is fun la):
So siann, my house is gonna be damn packed by humans for 2 weeks. No privacy no anything. Whalao, I wish my parents can take me out for a jab la, my nose is running like crazy and I lost my voice like almost completely, and I still have choir on Friday or sth, I dunno la. I forgot.
I SAW THAT, and I got so depressed, I really dunno what to do la. I feel so small and worthless, like as though Im nth compared to others, I will have no chance la, goodbye you stupid application forms. Make me print so many somemore. PFFT. Forget it, if Im fated to go ITE, Im fated to la. Put me to Clementi ITE or Simei ITE, heard that overthere got bigbig seafood restaurant to patronise.
Oh god, I cant cough la, and worst, if I cant unclog my throat, I cant talk! And Carian likes to talk you see. HAIZ.
Gonna send it out soon, and I hope I can get thru the auditions. Yea, might be asking some frens to go over to the auditions with me if I manage to get shortlisted. HAIZ. Dun dare to think about it la, Im not in a good condition to think sensibly now. Should I sleep now? Hmms, but I wanna watch how that guy punch that guy on the face for not taking care of Xiyi! HAHA.
Oh god, Im so random today.
Im counting down, its one day


Ok, I promised Gretchen that I will blog about that bung, prolly cos Im the best writer among them? HAHA. But trust me, its better if I act the whole scene out, Im better in drama then in writing. HAHA.
Went for pizza with them yesterday and we happen to see this bung and her stead la. Then GF abit dianned dao by the ah bung cos the ah bung touch her finger accidentally and she got a very man voice? OH MAN. Then our princess GF is like prancing back to our table giggling and such cos she thinks she is so tamzia cos she take too much soup and she cant carry it back to the table. HAHA. MANN, next time, consult your darl here, she has a diploma in taking vege soups and carrying heavy soupbowls back to her table. Diploma in Cheapo Business. Learnt in ABC Polytechnic this month. SO FUN(:
Then Gretch, GF and I go toukan de bung, then Gf scolded me for blocking her view, WHALAO. SOMEBODY DAMN HUAXIN, people got girlfren le you still liddat! Anw, Gretchen and I werent interested in that bung, only that gf. HORHORHOR!
Then Gf was so zidong that the bung pay for her stead's food at pizza hut's. After that we went to kpo on them la, we went to the highest level and glance down at the couple. The passive was like standing at the railings there(SO FAKE LA) looking at the interior of HLM, while the bung go and buy her flowers? Then she look back, look front, we see le, LAUGH OUT LOUD. Damn fake la pls. I bet she forced the bung to buy for her de! HAHA.
But then the flower also abit the ex ah, 1 sunflower with wrappings cost 19 bucks? Gretch saw the pricetag, and the three of us went jumping about exclaiming how jealous we were, and I guess the couple noticed us and was grinning to themselves. HA.
Ok Gretch, I told the story! HAHA. Praise me!
Lessons was ok for me today, except the fact that my fellopian tube is dropping out. Oh mann, I swear I was sitting in funny positions today just to make sure my fellopian tube doesnt drop out anytime. Mann, I cant walk k! I cant laugh and I cant cough, it leads to acute pain la pls, OH MANN. So I was trying my best not to make a spectacle of myself, lest I laugh at my own jokes and feel the pain! HAHA. But towards the end it became better. Laogong said that the baby is gonna miscarriage soon or sth, so I have to drink more Ribena to flush it or sth. Oh well. I cant laugh, otherwise pain or sth.
Took spastic pictures with her today, OHHOHO, scenes of me saving her from jumping down the building! hugging her--> THATS OUR MARRIAGE PIC! Ok, she looks kinda forced by me. HEH

Oh, I wore specs today but once I got home I wore my contacts, I look like a potential nerd la! No more specs for me in future le! EEEE.
Ester called me, and I went along tagging along her and kindee. HOHO. SO FUN SO FUN. This Ester so de funny, ask things also ask until luan qi ba zao. HAHA. At last she went out with her guyfren(HOHO) to get scissors. OI! GOODLUCK AH. HOPE YOU FOUND YOUR JIANDAO.
And the other you! Glad to hear your voice today, telling me your probs with your frens, as I say, we wont separate so easily! AND ALSO, My dsa not confirm de la, so little chance, most likely stuck to be with you for another 2 years ah! TAOYAN! HAHA.
Aiyah I stress la. Just so so so so stress. I want you to be fine please.


SHEESH, I got back my results le. WHAHAS, I dun intend to show my parents my results. I thought I could have gotten an A2 for Emaths, but HAHA, I was wrong, there is still paper 2? Why cant we just have paper1 ONLY? I was God damn happy when I got back my Emaths paper 1 pls. My first A! AHAHAS, But I was wrong. WTH.
Nvm, through this tough lesson learnt, I know what is my capacity in life and what am I expected to do. My only target in life now is to slack and die along the streets. Be a begger and beg for money, sorry parents for wasting your hard earned money on my tution, 300 bucks for amaths. Cool ah. I think we are bankrupted or sth now la, forget it, just cancel tution and let me rot along the streets, I dunwan to study anymore. Imagine every month thousand plus spent on my tution alone? Which parent can tahan such a pressure? Yet her stupid dummy kid here isnt doing well, spending her time online, doing rubbish and crapping ard. Come on la, do the maths.
Who cares la. Shall carry on being liddat and if possible the deadline of DSA just pass by without anyone telling me, then I will forget about it, and end up, I will just go to ITE! YAY!
My foundations are just not there, everything is not there, where are my good results, where is my confidence? where is my purpose in life? All gone. All gone. Im the lousiest in this world, the worst student in the school, nobody can help me. In front of you all, I can be so happy, prancing around, joking about, but when I get home its another me. I lock myself up, I became antisocial, nochalant about the surroundings. HA, what a virtual side of me online. Actually Im just some idiot faking myself up. How many times am I happy? How many times am I really euphoric? There are, I cant say there aint any, but few, very few, but thats only during special occasions.
Who ever understands me? I feel that this world is so selfish and cold, you cant find anyone you can talk to. Ok la, you all lucky la, you all have, sorry ar I dun have, and I know I deserve it ok? NOW YOU, Stop sniggering over there. I wanna seek perfection, but seeking for perfection has caused me to fall badly and painfully, I dun dare try it again, I dunwan to feel the pain again, I rather just be numb and continue facing my failures!(:
I told you my mum dun love me le you dun believe, guess what? I went home at 4 plus, JUST ONLY at 615 she called me asking me where am I. IM IN THE ROOM? I tell you, nobody notices me. Everybody hates me, Im just that little worm in that apple, people see le.
DADDY! GOT WORM!!!
Daddy: Kill it la!
I dunwan I dunwan, so scary, later the wormworm bite me how?
Daddy: To hell with it, squish it la!
YAY! DADDY! YOU KILLED THE WORM!
Im that worm. Thank you, BOWS*.
Ok, Im just a messy girl with a messy lifestyle, and people out there, dont mix with me, Im a bad influence, I dun have looks, nor results nor human qualities to befriend you. SO PLEASE! LEAVE ME ONE BY ONE CAN! THANKS(((:


Will be getting my results back tomo): Congats Carian Tham. And Im just very confident that English is the only subject I will pass, ok la, hopefully its with flying colours(: After that I might have to rush down for Choir, maybe not ba, cos I will most likely be hiding in that little corner there crying and moaning over my bad results.
Damn sick today, esp towards the night, it became much worse, also dunno why, what kinda theory is this ah? Went out after dinner for a lill spin to Compasspoint, I was damn bored la. Bought school shoes, gdbye sleese, welcome home rebok. I totally hate my new schoolshoe la. Ok, except the lill fact that its white. HEH. I mean real white as compared to my old schoolshoes. I think its a running shoe ba.
Followed mum ard the kitchenware place, was so bored la, then she bought me a shower robe cos she thinks Im obscene running about with a towel. BWHAHAS. Poor me have to wait for the queue to pay while all of them carry on shopping, I swear I almost dropped dead on the ground.
I think I need some sucker thing to suck up all my saliva or sth, I cant seem to be able to swallow anything. And Im losing my voice also. HAHA. GOOD. Carian Tham losing her voice first time after 2 years. Stupid chocs.
DSA was kinda confirmed le la, as in those schools Im signing up for. So many people was like asking me why I wanna go SA with dsa since the choir there #&%^&$ according to them la. But I think its cos of the Christian environment ba, Im so not ready to leave a missionary school. I love God and he loves me(:
Life has been quite chaotic for me, I also dunno why, and I dun wish to think of it anymore. Shall let it go away soon. I must get back to my studying mode soon, ok la, Ive been studying lorr recently. But in a slow pace. HAHA.
Oh and I hitted my target for term2, tweets`. Yea, Im gonna be alright, and my day is gonna be good(:


OH GOODNESS IM SO SO SO BORED. Slept at 2 yest and woke up at 5 plus today and I cant sleep le. MANN, I think I got serious shimian problem la. Toss and turn and toss at the end I slept and woke up at 8. OH NO. I seriously need sth to knock me out. Hmms.
Went online at 10 and look at friendsters then talk to my cuzzee abt dsa. Felt so inferior talking to him sometimes, cos he is from RJ, but then he is nice la, also dunno why the suddenly change in him. Weird. Then he said the way I talk very cute, serious ah. Sth is definitely wrong and weird about him. If only in real life he is so nice to me jiu hao le. I realised some people are nicer online then in real life, why ah? Is it so tough to speak in real life? I think Im such a people's person k, I can talk online and offline, I can just talk talk talk, I think I can really be a saleswoman la. Go and sell Gucci handbags and earn big bucks! HAHA.
Ok, in short Im talkative la!
Oh, I scanned the testimonial for him to read(: He was saying its wellwritten. Then I was like. Hello? Teacher can write sth badly de meh. Then he was like jiayou(: Then I was like, you dun jiayou me, you go temple chant sutras for me to increase my luck or sth(he is a devotee)Then he said that it will be weird. Then I was like, You need company is it? I can accompany you then you go shunbian shave your head la! Dots la he. Can be quite rubbish pls.
Oh my cuzzee rocks! Hahahahaha((:
HAIZ, when is my bestie free? I wanna go take neoprints leh. Long time never wear decent clothes go out, because I dun see the need to when I go HLM or for dance practises, so shirts and FBTS are still the best, comfy and nice. Hopefully after this 2 weeks hol ba.
OH MAN! I talked to my kindee yest! And I saw my kindee yest! Tweeeets. YAY! So happpppppy` Kindee is getting more and more shuai as the days past. Alright, what am I talking about. OH! She got bigbigbigbigbig eyes! So ke ai! SO SO SO SO CUTE! Mann, I wanna steal it away and implant it into mine. I think I have such small eyes, and people are like laughing at me for that. Shall extract some eyes growing genes from her and inject into my eyes, OUCH. HAHA.
So cute so cute CAN YOU HURRY COME ONLINE ANOT. I BORED LA)):


Went for Choir this morning, abit the lucky ah, I was waiting at the busstop, and I didnt know * was actually behind me all the while, then when I was about to board I saw *. "COOL" DUDE. I went up and saw somebody, its obvious they yue hao to meet up, ok, I gave her a little nodd and walked away. I dunno whats their relationship and I dun wish to know. The journey was quite a bad one, cos I have to suffer in the little bus, and in front of me is them, is this mental torture or what? Lucky Subi msged me this sweetsweet frenship msg, kinda divert my attention a little. I guess things got a little erms, emotional ba, I msged laogong, she said this: If you are gonna let this affect you, whats the point of having so much determination this few months, Dont disappoint me. AND YES, I didnt disappoint her. I wont. Choir was ok, kinda boring la, but Ann brought me ard the church office, and the office staffs are kinda nice la, talk to us, she got treated so specially, cos she is the pastor's daughter! HEH. So we photostated some stuffs run up and down of the church, from Hosea room to Hallelujah room, then back to Hosea room. HAHA. SO FUN. Got cold water to drink also, like why not lorr. HEH.
After that went back to school to get my testimonial. I really wanna thank you Ms Tan for having written such a beautiful recommendation letter for me. Ms Tan make me sound so.. Important, such a gem in choir, and I really hope that I really did the choir proud. She said that I inspired the choir through my determination, Im inspiring and disciplined and such.. Im a student conductor that inspires the choir and such.. She make me feel so honoured to be part of choir, and she didnt address me as a choir member, she calls me a choir leader! OMG, I feel so so so happy. THANK YOU!
I really dunno how to thank you, but I promise I will continue to sing praises to Him, do PL proud, you and PL choir proud! To God Be The Glory! God has given me a high voice to sing, yea I admit at times I do feel very out, because I cant really sing songs people can, popsongs and rock is surely not my cup of tea, I can only be stuck to Christian songs and classics, but hey, perhaps that is done for a purpose, I believe. For all things are done for a reason! I hope I have discovered my talents these 3 years, and thank you to those chummers whom have been consistently pumping me up, catching me while I fall. I hope these are genuine and I can fall back on you all when Im tired, cos apparently, Im, I need to rest.
Dancing was ok, except the fact that Im slow. Felt so inferior, cos I cant dance Remember, also dunno why leh, Im just slow ba. Shuo ai ni was ok, I can catch it fast, but Remember is so REMEMBER-PRONE. I cant remember the steps!!! But nevertheless I manage to finish the whole dance!! OH YEA. But I surely need to prac more at home!! HEH.
Thank you to the family's and Darl's patience in teaching me! HEH
Now for this serious matter. Not say very serious la. But I just wanna tell you this.
I dunno why aint you open to me, why cant you tell me what you want? Is it cool to like, pass it to other people and ask that other person to tell me? I mean, am I so scary? Why cant you just be frank with me. I thought we were friends, I thought we have reached the path of frankness and truthfulness, ok, Im living in my own world. Forget it, I dunwan to what you anymore, but I really hope that you can tell me whats your reason for being like this, do you know this is hurting? Its like, thousand of daggers stabbed into my heart. You might think its no biggie, but do you know that I do care about such trival matters? Perhaps I have high standards of you, well, I shouldnt have set one. Forget it, Im just crapping. I cherish you, I care for you thats what Im liddat, you make me cry you make me angry its cos I really like you so much, and I hate to see someone I like so much treating me this way. Im frank here, and I hope you can be frank too(:
Finally got that out of my heart, I haven mentioned this to anyone, and this is equally torturous, one day I can just explode, and this time round I cant be healed anymore. Ok fine, I admit Im a cry baby k.
Nevertheless, from where I sit, from what I see, you are always perfect. SO SHUAI SO SHUAI!



Just came back from lessons, ok la, Ive decided to be a good gal, and I came home immediately after school, otherwise like so ahlian liddat. HEH.
School was quite fun today cos I had so much wonderful times with Gretch baobao, Darl, Partner, Laogong and Rongjing(: And Qings too! OH MANN. I was talking and talking during lessons pls, ok la, I DID CONCENTRATE DURING AMATHS(: But during Chem I was like planning who to be where, what to be where during music marathorn. HEH. And I was bitching bitching and bitching about people. HEH. OK la, not people, but a person. BWHAHAS. OH I HAD SO MUCH FUNN! Partner sang me a song, the desperado song, make some sense pls I feel. Yeayea, must come to my senses soon. HOHOS. Then we talking abt * and * in the past, and I was so scared * kena what by *. OH MAN! I was screaming during Lit lesson, giggling and wailing. MUSTNT LET SOMETHING LIDDAT HAPPEN TO *. NONONO! NEVER NEVER NEVER!
Whalao, Darl call me jian because I go msg her and ask her to reply me first. HUHNAH, she is your baobei la, wont snatch la wont snatch la, go rape her and do whatever you want to her la, just dont call me jian k. What a word to use on me! HA.
We were allowed to eat during lit lesson, today, Mrs Ong gave us sweets, yest she gave us chips. HA. The sweets are nice la, I think Ive a sweet tooth. BWHAHAS. Parts, darl and I go packet up chicken nuggets to class. Oh mann, let me tell you what I eat for today. In the morning I ate bread in the cab ( I WAS SERIOUSLY CRAVING FOR DUMPLINGS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AT 12 PLS!, come to school eat nuggets at 1050, eat chicken tart then eat crackers then eat sweets then drink ribena apple then now so hungry again! But I must ren la, otherwise go taf. Oh mann, after exercising so much I just eat liddat? So dui be qi myself. AHH! But Im so hungry now!
Whalao, Qings say I growing child pls. I told them this. This morning when I changed into my uniform, I realised my belt became higher, then I turn right turn left in front of the mirror and realised my breast grew pls. OH GOD WHAT A TRAGEDY! I wanna be FLAT. But I cant leh. Then they talking abt bras and I realised I dun have any, ok except 2 tubes for my halters thats all pls. I think I have about 15 Sbs in my cupboard and Im so proud of myself, I will make sure I will increase my personal collection of Sbs during this Singapore sales thing. From all these, I gather that wearing tight Sbs wont hinder breast growth, it will make it grow more! -__-''' Cos of pressure or sth. I WANNA BUY THAT 29.90 stripy SB!! MUMMY!!!!!
Guess I was too horny la, lit lesson was a horny one too, Mrs Ong was telling us what Moses and Mary did on the bed, how the author describe the bed and why was it described. It is to allow the readers to identify with the personas and get into the mood and tension of HORNYNESS! HEH. Darl was underlining all the words used to describe the bed and Moses body. HAHAHA. I was a bad student la, I didnt do anything but talk and gossip! HAHA.
I seriously think my eyeballs are dropping out la, anw, I dun intend to wear contacts tomo to choir and dancing, Im gonna wear my laotu specs and dance. OH! I wanna wear my ballet shoes too! So that there will be less friction. but we practising in cc, later people think I siao ah, might as well wear shoes will do! AHAHAS.
hao ba hao ba, shall just blog till here. Why my kindee so long haven come online))): HURRY LEH!